September 13 ~ "Not seven times, but seventy-seven times"
Sermon by Pastor Joel
Genesis 50:15-21
Psalm 103: 8-13
Romans 14:1-12
Matthew 18:21-35
Once again, science backs up the gospel. Practicing forgiveness leads to higher well-being over time. A study led by Harvard University researchers reported this not-that-surprising finding in January, but this study had also analyzed annual well-being data among more than 207,000 participants across 23 geographically and culturally diverse countries. In the study, researchers asked people how often they forgave people who wronged them.
Turns out the rates of forgiveness were pretty high – overall 75 per cent of participants said they often or always practice forgiveness. Those who said they forgive more often tended to report higher well-being the following year. Their scores were highest in mental health, purpose, relationship satisfaction, and hope.
Of course, even knowing that forgiveness is good for our souls, we naturally balk at Jesus’s response to Peter, who puts to him a question we have all asked at one time or another. “Lord, if my brother or sister sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?” We can easily imagine that Peter was hoping Jesus would make it easy on him: give them one chance, maybe two, and then you’ve done your best.
Instead, Jesus sets the bar impossibly high; “Not seven times, but I tell you, seventy-seven times.” In other words, we are charged to forgive again and again and again, and always again.
To add to the challenge, our readings offer an example of astonishing forgiveness. Joseph was left for dead by his brothers, then sold into slavery, surviving only on his wits. Yet here are those brothers back, seeking his aid. And Joseph shows them kindness and forgives them. Would we do the same? Our second lesson cautions us that judgement is a waste of time – everyone can be judged for something. The only one we are accountable to, at the end of our days, is God. And then, finally, Jesus takes his seventy-seven times of forgiveness one step further, with the brutal story of a slave who, upon being forgiven by his debts by the king, then carries on to demand his debts from another. Found out, the king condemns him to be tortured. He was to pay it forward, as we would say, and he did not.
Of course, Jesus offers us parables. We are not meant to count our attempts at forgiveness, but to understand that the count is irrelevant; we must try to forgive as often as we can without a register of accounts. And did the slave in the parable not inflict his own torture? Selfishness does not lead to happiness, his greed cost him his community. Clearly he was too broken inside to extend mercy, whether he had cause to be generous or not. How different then was Joseph, who despite possessing the power to make his brothers pay for their crime against him, chose the high road of forgiving them, and then helping them for the rest of their lives.
So altogether what do we have: forgiveness, support, our well being. Our forgiveness should be unlimited. Don’t judge lest ye be judged. We are to pay forward the forgiveness we receive from God, and from those around us – by forgiving others. And we are, absolutely, not to use the power we possess to seek vengeance rather than forgiveness.
But our lessons also appear to allow for different forms of forgiveness. Joseph’s is the most transformative; he forgives in full and brothers are restored to his life. But we also know that he had every advantage over his brothers. Forgiving them did not put him under their thumbs again – so forgiveness was a gift he could offer, rightfully, but also from a place of safety.
When we are told not to judge another, that is a call to seek to understand them and to then forgive them; but forgiveness does not require a relationship be restored to its original state. In fact, I would argue that forgiveness forever alters that relationship. To forgive is to open your eyes to reality and to come to terms with it. That process cannot buy your connection. What’s more, in my experience forgiveness requires a certain level of care to be sustained; that comes with boundaries. As pure the act of forgiving may be, it only asks change from us – not the other person. It is entirely a choice we make. Even if we seek clarity or closure, that is not essential to forgiveness. Forgiveness is the choice we make for ourselves – and the reason we must do it seventy-seven times, is because it can sometimes crack and tear if we are not careful to sustain it. Perhaps we must wake up every day and decide to forgive the same person for the same wrong; that is forgiveness as much as the slights we forgive and never think of again. Indeed, I would say, it is hardest of all.
But ultimately, I want to return to the finding in the research: that the people who forgave the most often reported the higher well-being, and in particular hope. And I can see that this idea of hope may be understood as hope that people will change, or hope that things can get better. And that is part of it; people who are forgiving are likely optimists. But the hope born out of forgiveness is hope in ourselves, and hope in God—In ourselves that we are strong and just enough to practice forgiveness—and in God that our act of forgiveness has value, the power to change ourselves and all the relationships around us. For ultimately, we call forgiveness a practice because it takes practice. But luckily, God does not expect perfection. Our task to hold on to hope – mostly in ourselves – and our ability to do what is right. What sets fair boundaries. What serves our larger communities. We may be on the seventy-seventh time and still working at it. But we are working on it, and that is the definition of hope. Amen.
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